I started 2011 with only one plan in mind–to go to Japan in June. My plan for everything else was to just stay as it had been. It ain’t broke, so don’t fix it, so to speak.
Well, we all know that came crashing down on Valentine’s Day this year, when Mufasa went from having a breathing problem to dying in a matter of hours. Suddenly, my perfect dog was gone, and that was most definitely not according to plan. Getting two German Shepard puppies a month later was also not part of the plan. And while at the time that seemed to be such a great idea–they’ll have each other, right?–has turned into a bit more trouble than planned. I cannot wait until they’re a year old and start calming down just enough to the point where I’ll feel comfortable having people over again. They aren’t mean dogs at all; they just get so excited and they’re too big to be so excited. They nearly knock me over sometimes, and unfortunately, they’re so rambunctious that Gabe is afraid of them. I know he’ll grow out of that, but for now, it’s such a beating.
Then, this summer, right after I got back from Japan, my best friend moved away. I’ve known it was coming for awhile, and I’m so happy that she’s so happy and she’s found the best guy in the world to marry. But it still makes me sad that she’s gone and is no longer a text away to meet for Starbucks. Not sure why all my gaming friends have to live so far away from me, but dammit, it would be nice to have someone close by to totally geek out with. My friends’ husbands just aren’t the same.
The big unplanned disaster happened just two weeks ago. After noticing some weird signs, I checked my calendar to see that my last period was oh, July 20th. Three pregnancy tests later, I accepted the fact that was indeed pregnant. It was a good thing, but not exactly a welcome one at the time. I hadn’t gotten off certain meds yet, so I had to place an emergency call to the doctor to find out how to get off them safely. Two I had to get off cold turkey, and the other I had to wean down. Getting off of those meds coupled with the pregnancy hormones was quite honestly the hardest thing I have ever done. I had never been so miserable in my life, and I was severely depressed in college. Then right around this time, just as I was starting to get happy and deal with all the fun changes going on with me, I had a miscarriage.
To say I was devastated would be putting it mildly. I was only 9 weeks along, so it wasn’t like I had felt the baby move or anything like that, but I was angry and really wanted to know why this was happening. Why make me pregnant when I wasn’t planning on it, wait until I get happy about it, and then take it away? What is the point in that? Some sort of cruel test?
I’m not as angry about it anymore, but I’m going to be very cautious in the future if we choose to have a second child or if another surprise happens. Instead, I have other things I’m a little bummed about because certain job ventures are also not going to plan. I’m hoping it’s just an affect of this crappy economy we’re experiencing and things will pick up next year.
Oh, did I mention the fact that my favorite attorney boss ever committed suicide out of the blue in early September? Yeah, September was the worst.
But for now, I’m so done with 2011. I’m really ready for happier unplanned adventures.
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