A Setback for Summer

Life is funny in the way it won’t run according to your plans. Perhaps it’s a sign for me, personally, to not remain complacent with the way things are. I should be pressing onward and always looking for ways to improve or better the current situation. Or perhaps it’s a sign that I should be looking elsewhere with my goals.

The last couple of months have been downright awful. I’ve cried in public more times than I can count. I’ve lost a lot of motivation with my work, with my personal yoga practice, and at home. Instead of working or marketing or cooking, I’d escape to a video game.

This all revolved around my eldest son and his unfortunate problems at school. Some he brought on himself, but the school made everything worse when they attempted to handle it. I worked, at first, to get him back in school (he was suspended). Then I had to work to get him into a new school for the next year. Every day I freaked out when my phone rang, so fearful it was the school calling about yet something else. Once we finally had a new school, I had to get through the end of the school year. That thankfully ended last Friday.

But during that time, I spent all free time playing a video game. I didn’t cook dinner. I didn’t go grocery shopping. I didn’t clean the house. I barely did laundry, and even then that was only because the kids needed clean clothes for school. I couldn’t deal with anyone needing anything else from me. Each day I felt completely spent from all the stress and worry, and it was worse on the days I taught yoga.

I’m not entirely sure if my state-of-mind had something to do with it, but I’m no longer teaching regular classes at Super Yoga Palace. First, my Yin class on Tuesdays was canceled. Then this week, my Vino + Vinyasa class was canceled.

The manager told me Yin could come back in the fall, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that that comes true. In the meantime, since my regular students really like Yin, they asked to come to my home studio at Chocobo Yoga to take Yin at the same time. They’ve been the biggest blessing during this entire trial.

But for the Vino + Vinyasa, I keep wondering if there was something I could have done to prevent its demise. Was it the time? Did I not promote it enough? Were my flows not very good? Was it because I was so out of it during most of that time? Was it because we accidentally broke the countertop the second class? (We fixed it too.) This has to be because of me, right?

It’s probably not my fault, but I can’t help but blame myself. I did completely check out in early April. My mind was constantly stressing over the situation with my eldest. I even had issues when I practiced on my own, because I couldn’t keep my head in the practice. I’ve been a complete mess, and I can see how that could have easily seeped into my teaching. I might not have wanted to take classes from me either.

So now the big question is, what am I supposed to learn from this? Am I supposed to wait and get my head on straight before pushing through with teaching yoga? Or am I supposed to look into other teaching opportunities? Was I always supposed to be looking to expand my yoga teaching? I really wish someone would tell me what I’m supposed to do now.

While I’m waiting on this epiphany that may or may not come, I need to remember to be thankful for my blessings. My son is going to a new school next year. I have lovely students who are willing to come to my house and pay me personally for a Yin practice. I know who my friends are. I have an amazing family. I’m healthy. I’m still able to practice yoga. I’m able to eat each day. I have a roof over my head.

Yes, this is a setback for me. But it’s not the end of the world. I have more than enough to keep my chin up and keep swimming.